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Ducking Mother Goose

by The Maadmen

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Phil Fleming
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1.
Jack and Jill 03:20
lyrics
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Here’s a story bout a girl and a boy But parents all around so they had no joy They took a walk to the top of a hill And privacy to fit the bill Heavy petting and hands in the pants Virginity never had a chance I think you know where I’m going next…. He went down to the forest She sung high at the chorus Shook hands with John Thomas As she gave him a big promise He asked “before we’re through, Could I ride in the pink canoe?” Mother goose then gave consent And opened up the convent But the story can’t end yet Cuz it rains and it pours, And we get all wet If the genie cums out of the box Getting back in is unorthodox Little boy blue got the girl’s pink And the screams filled up the whole precinct What happened when the parents found out? They called the juvie hall And jack went in, cuz he took the fall Jill also didn’t get off light cuz the chastity belt went on ev’ry night though love might conquer all there’s a bill for the heat, if you want to ball Next time just don’t get caught As you knock quietly on the ‘ole g-spot
2.
Little boy blue 02:43
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Little boy blue Has got a big horn Seems ideal For a career in porn He’s under a haystack Fast asleep Cuz he gave a good drubbing To little Bo Peep Will you wake him? No not I For if I do Bo Peep will cry She’s just pooped From all that fun With little boy blue’s Big gatling gun Little Miss muffet Then came to call Bo Peep told her Bout blue boy’s balls She licked her lips And started to think That she might just need to Sink his pink Though she tried to Beat his meat His strong libido Wouldn’t taste defeat Cassanova, Don Juan too Didn’t hold nothin On you know who Mother goose Took them under her wings Gave advice about All sorts of things One on one Won’t be enough So the tag team pair Got stout handcuffs Now he’d finally Met his match 2 on 1 were Tough to dispatch Mother goose Had taught them well And that’s what it took to break his spell
3.
Ba Ba Black Sheep 02:32
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Ba ba black sheep Have you got wool? Yes sir it’s even on my tool Belly and stomach and Chest and back Ron Jeremy Would envy my ass crack Gotta man-scape that forest son Wax those pubes for slidey fun Manly men are now passe So’s the bedside table ashtray Sculpt that chest hair Like a heart Train your ass cheeks Not to fart Metrosex is all the rage shave your balls and come of age Soften your voice No dirty talk No loads swallowed In aftershock Sign all forms Giving consent Don’t come first Until she’s spent
4.
Mary had a little lamb 02:27
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Mary had a little lamb, She wished that it was bigger, And everywhere that Mary went, her girlfriend’s all would snigger She went into, the naughty shop To see what could be done with no receipt, she kept the meat and had a lot less fun It made her girlfriends laugh out loud when they went out to play to see a lamb, that was no ram and much to her dismay And so she finally threw it out But not without a curse Cuz monster rams won’t fit inside A tiny handheld purse Why did Mary love it so Her tiny little lamb It ain’t the size that makes it go The technique’s in the hand
5.
Humpty Dumpty 02:28
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Get a load of that Humpty Dumpty Sittin on the wall Eatin a big fat turkey sandwich About ready to fall Diabetic neuropathy He’s gonna make a splat When he comes a tumbling down Gravity just shat Rotund like an egg Rounded, just like a beer keg Pushin maximum density Waistline immensity Kings horses and all of the men Couldn’t put humpty together again If you’re gonna perch on a wall Strap yourself in so you don’t fall He liked the cakes and the pies Followed up with an order of fries “Chew your food boy!” Said his mother in one ear, and out the other Suckin back the big gulp cokes While takin a drag on the smokes Matter of time before the gut Krispy Kreme, the favorite donut Control we have a large white male, concussed with multiple contusions and covered in vomit and blood, now in transit to General Hospital. **Please advise on your ETA** Judging by the rate of traffic we expect a post mortem to be performed upon arrival, please prepare the morgue.
6.
Old Mother Hubbard 02:39
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Old mother Hubbard Was the randiest Gran Who loved teaching dogs new tricks Old Joe loved When she needed work And her cupboards required a fix He’d knock on the back door sometimes the front To work on her plumbing Then roll up a blunt Her rickety house Always needed some hands Cuz some old lasses Just need a man She went to the liquor store To fetch him a beer he’d been fixin her thatch all day but when he was done she realized she had no money to pay The dame made a curtsy Dog made a bow And that’s how the plumber Selected the plow Dogs do tricks If they get a bone Randy Grans hate To be alone She went to the pharmacy For more blue pills Cuz old Joe was starting to tire She needed a spark For the gasoline That could set his World on fire The rubber band man Said bag the ham Cuz Ya wanna feel safe when you Wham the lamb The girl gave a smile At the check out till Bad Gran swooped to land on the kill Old mother Hubbard Was the talk of the town Even better than Dr. Ruth And all the wives Would ask advice Cuz she always told the truth Down and out’s Only just begun Why should young folks Have all the fun Church lady tropes Are all rope-a-dope Bend over love And pass us the soap
7.
Little Jack Horner 02:40
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Little Jack Horner Knelt in the corner Eating Miss Muffet’s hair pie He stuck in his thumb Which caused her to cum To which the spider replied: “Hey Man, that’s my date You just made me a cuckhold mate! I hope you die I’ll get my friend The funnel web spider Will make you end!” Little Miss Muffet Was racked by guilt After all the luv juice She done spilt She asked the spiderman To forgive and forget But he wasn’t done With revenge just yet Jack got scared And left in the night But spider’s boys Were ready to bite They bit his pecker When he fell asleep And it turned all black Like baa baa the sheep There’s such as thing As honor among mates But that shit don’t count When you steal his date Revenge is a dish Best served cold Jack knew better But his tongue got bold
8.
Hot Cross Buns 04:16
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Heh, got the hot cross buns Got a penny, I’ll give’em , give’em to your sons Cuz their hot, I said their hot And their smokin, like a chimney but they’ll make you fat And that’ll be that And you won’t be hot Like the hot cross buns Hey! Hot! Got a penny For the hot cross buns Don’t give’em to your sons Cuz they’re carbs Said their carbs Ca..ca..car-bo-hy-drate Hey! Now we’re in the bridge And we’re stuck in the bridge Get out of the bridge I said, get out of the bridge! And back To the hot cross buns Don’t wanna be fat Sugar diabetes Wanna be thin Stay away from sweeties You wanna be hot A like the hot cross buns Don’t wanna be fat Cuz that ain’t where its at Huh! You wanna be hot Like the hot cross buns Heh! Don’t wanna be fat Sugar diabetes Wanna be thin Stay away from the sweeties cuz you wanna be hot Like the hot cross buns Don’t wanna be fat Cuz that’s not where its at Don’t wanna eat buns Don't wanna eat the buns They gonna make yo ass too big Do you dig? Baad hot cross buns Not good for your health Give ya sugar diabetes Your gonna be sick Don’t wanna eat the buns Don’t wanna eat the buns! Make your ass too big And you’ll look ro-tund Bad Bad fo ya Bad hot cross buns Not good fo yo health Make yo body be sick and you’ll be too big Hey Now we’re in the bridge And we’re stuck in the bridge Get out of the bridge I said get out of the bridge And back to the buns! The buns!
9.
Hey Diddle Diddle 02:25
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Hey diddle diddle This cat needs a fiddle Watchin cowboy porn all night Girl, to the moon You're a dish I’d spoon Together we’d feel all right Baby, beat me, you’re my sweetie Hickory, dickory, clean my clock You just make me spot a rock I’m gonna diddle you Night and day Spank your little hot cross buns One money penny Or maybe two I bet we’ll have a lot of fun It might be wrong But it feels so right Givin you the mother goose your gonna shake Like a big earth quake Spillin all your sweet love juice Twerk that sugar, we’ll play snooker Sphincter retriever, I’m a believer Momma come back, let’s just play, we’re both gonna hit the hay Give me a reason, I’ll come around, make you laugh with funny sounds One a penny, money penny, I’m James Bond, I’m gonna wave your magic wand Clock struck one, and mouse ran down, I’m gonna give you some motown
10.
Jack be nimble 02:59
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Jack be nimble Make it quick Hurry up before we get sick platitudes and candlesticks fill the void between every click hack my life and break me out silent scream becomes a shout mother dear get me a goose let it fly yes, let it loose Bedtime…stories Greed and glory Happy endings Auditory Cunning linguist Here’s a joke Have a smile With all your coke Pacify your needs and likes Amazonian Tonight Jacky boy Hop to it lad Your so good And we’re so bad Tell your mother Make it rhyme Show us all A real good time

about

Here is our effort at adult-ifying Mother Goose into PG-13 wholesome wokefulness. After all, even Mother Goose has off color thoughts... Hope you enjoy listening as much as we did writing it.

credits

released February 27, 2022

Special thanks needs to go out to D J Robzilla, guitarist extraordinaire who has agreed to once again join us on our maad quest for enlightenment. Also a very big hat tip to Cameron at www.kameryn.art for his excellent cover art that both stimulates the imagination of our subject matter and gives us a laugh whenever we see the cover (Namaste and "Honk"). And, most importantly, thank you to any and all listeners, we did it for you.
Peace and Luv,
The Maadmen

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The Maadmen Tokyo, Japan

Who are we? We are a musical fellowship that loves to drink beer and poke fun. No holds barred. Check out our Youtube videos at: themaadmenfu

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